The Not - So - Fashionable Fact

This is my third month of stay in Kurukshetra and finally, I have started recognizing the roads, shops, markets and people! Not to forget, I have always been extremely bad with directions and mapping of new places in my head. With familiarity, also comes prejudices and opinions. A very strange thing happened today, which made me question a lot of things and ponder about my own belief system.

Anu is a 19-year-old young, bubbly and sweet girl. She is the daughter of my Driver Uncle here, the way I address him fondly. Anu is pursuing her MSc. in Mathematics from Kurukshetra University. She has an elder brother Vishal who is apparently preparing for IELTS for the past two years but hasn't been able to secure the required band as of now. That was a brief background. Now, coming back to today's incident; I often visit their home in the evening for brunch or sometimes on Saturday's for home - made delicious food. Today was Vishal's birthday! I planned to go there with sweets and spend some time with the family. According to my plan I bought the cake and asked Uncle to take me home. 

On reaching, I see that there are 10 odd people in the 2 room rented house, mostly of Vishal's age group (21-23). I sit quietly and greet Aunty who is a very simple lady who all her life has lived in the village until 4 years back when they family shifted to the city. So, the crowd picks up the volume and the celebrations start. I walk in the other room and see Anu sitting quietly and struggling to study. I asked her if she is okay and offered her the sweets I bought. She tells me that she doesn't like Vishal's friends and claims they are not nice people. 

"Umm. Did something happen? Do you know them? Did they say you something?" I ask politely.

"No, I just know. I don't know them personally but I don't like them at all" she stresses. 

I am little confused and hesitant to inquire further. "You shouldn't judge someone if you don't know them. This is bad Anu!" I try to make my point, doing my best not to sound rude. 

"We all judge people. We all judge situations. We judge our  emotions, conditions, and circumstances. There are certain days when I know I am not happy because I have judged my mood. Then, on days I am angry foreseeing what's going to happen. I am not ashamed of the fact that I judge. It is important to judge. And also, you are saying you have never judged anyone?" she questions. 

"Well, I have. I don't deny that, but then I try not to. To whatever extent I can. It's not good to be judgemental" I explain.

"I agree. Universal judgemental is bad. It is wrong, Gita also says that! But situational judgement is what makes us human. If I conquer this whole notion of not being judgemental, then I am God. Let's keep it simple -  if you don't like something, you don't like. Simple! Why mix it with so much of logic and explanation. I think these days, everyone wants to attach a good explanation with everything they say" she chuckles. 

"And why would people do that?" I ask promptly.

"Because, no body wants to sound judgemental. That is not in - fashion these days." she finished. 

I had chole and poori for dinner with not to forget a glass of lassi and gulab jamun. While coming back to the guest house, I asked Driver Bhaiya to stop at this one shop from where I buy a packet of milk every day and then take that one particular road for reaching back. Maybe Anu is right, I am also judgemental even about the little things as to the fixed shop where I buy the milk from or even the route I take. 

Maybe Anu is right. Being Judgement is not fashionable anymore or maybe we are too scared to say it aloud.

Much more than a regular job.

Yet another week has come to an end. The third week has been very hectic and laborious! Regular field visits and interacting with people from diverse background has been a different and enriching experience. It would be very difficult to recapitulate the learnings and experiences of the past week but towards the end, there is one thing which has made me ponder on a few things.
While growing up in a village in Jammu (till I shifted to the main part of the city), not many children in the village were going to a school. Some people, of course, were sending their children to a government school but the quality of education was no were close to that of a private school. My parents, being one of the few first generation educated people chose to send us to the best of the school in the city which was nearly 10-15 Kms from my house. Not for once, I questioned their choice, since, for me, my school was a place which offered numerous opportunities which were unimaginable to the rest of the children in the village. As a child, I was subconsciously taught that education (Please read Quality Education) is the best ornament and gift you can ever possess. Many years later, I understood the meaning of this statement for the first time when I had my first field experience while I was working for the Right To Education Resource Center in IIM Ahmedabad. Talking to children and their parents who against all odds decided to send their child, barely 5 or 6 years old, to a place which looks both desirable and worrisome. Almost after one year now, I met some families who had the same concerns about taking that first step, be it for anything - sending their daughter to college for the first time in family, participating in the seminars and drives on women empowerment in the village, being fully aware of the schemes being run for women by the government and what not. As one of the ladies said " Pehla kadam lena hi mushkil hota hai, chori ko vishwas karke school main daala hai toh abb isko rokenge bhi nahi. Chora chori main abb koi antar na reh gaya hai"( Taking the first step is the challenge. I trust my daughter and am sending her to school, I won't stop her now. There is barely any difference between a boy and a girl these days".

Change is always difficult and takes time. When I ask someone to send their child to school is as difficult for me to convince as it would be for him to stop me from sending my child to school! Making someone believe and do things which he has never done, taking that stand, investing in it and above all not doubting it is a mammoth task. If not there, we are still progressing. Why I tagged the example of Education here, is because I think it is the first step to a big change.
Each day, meeting people like these and hearing the stories of their one Leap of Faith is what inspires me to keep on going. If not for anything else, this is what I like the most about my job - I don't find the need to buy motivational and inspiring autobiography, I instead get the opportunity to meet such people. And not to forget, many years later I will remember these stories and smile! 

Key to the Lock? Humility! - Week 2 in the Mystic Land

The week is about to end, yet again. Sipping chai and lying down in my shorts is such a comforting thing after this long week. This week actually went pretty quickly. I was kind of Multi-tasking and shuffling between a few things. On the work front, this week again was more of understanding thing and aligning a set mechanism for weeks to follow. It is a conscious effort not to make this blog a work directory but my own learning and experiences of every week. This week rather than learning something new, I am reminded of a very valuable lesson.
So, the cleaner in the guest house where I am putting up came to me in the morning around 8:30 and asked me that he needs some help, more than help he asked me for guidance. I was confused! The first prompt thought was that he would want some help from an officer and has come to talk to me casually about it and see if I can join the dots. I held back my imagination and asked him to continue. He told me about this girl who is married with 2 kids, her name and livelihood. Abruptly, the next thing he asked me was to meet the girl and not ask her many questions. I was confused and worried as to why he is directing me outrightly not to ask her anything more than what she herself tells me. I just had to say yes, the Sherlock in me wouldn't let me sleep otherwise! In the evening I see this young girl wearing a green suit and hair tied neatly in a bun waiting for me near the entrance of the guest house. I brought her to my room and asked her younger brother to wait meanwhile. Before I could say or ask anything she took the water bottle herself and finished 2 glasses of water. I was scared and confused, with no idea as to what to ask since I was directed not to ask anything myself. Meena didi told me not to tell anyone and clearly said that she needs help. I asked her to tell me what was bothering her. Without dwelling into absolute details, she told me that she was married to this man when she was 18 who had a government job and worked with the Indian Railways. He was into drugs from the beginning and started abusing and torturing her within a few months. There was no one to her rescue, not even her mother-in-law who instead said this is her fate. She came back to her parents home twice but her ailing father convinced her to go back so that her younger sisters could get married. Further, her husband has been declared an 'absentee' from the job and now finally she is back to her her parents home. Her father is no more and her mother is managing the home expenses from her husband's mere pension. Hearing this, I asked her what she wanted me to do? She told that her children (2 DAUGHTERS) are about to be expelled from school since the school is asking for original Date of Birth Certificate, Aadhar Card and she left all these documents in her earlier house while she escaped from there at midnight. She wanted me to talk to the school authorities and her advocate as well who is fighting her case now for alimony. Weird thing is, she hasn't applied for a divorce! I told her I will try my best to make sure at least her children are not suspended from school. Meena didi didn't even know who I was - what job, position, department, nothing. She only knew that I am soft spoken (as told my the cleaning person), educated and a girl.

Lesson - For just being humble and soft spoken (as to what she had heard), she told me everything. But the best thing she told me as an answer to my question of not being worried that she has 2 daughters is something which gave me thrills. " Beti ho ya Beta, mazboot hona chaiye, main ladki hun aur ladd rahi hun, mera pati ne aadmi hoke kya kar liya? Bas itna hai ki meri ladkiyan padh likh jayein, taki mard se fir paise ke liye joote chappal na khane pade"(A person should be strong, irrespective of the gender. I am a girl and still fighting, what is my husband doing superior for just being a man? I only want that my girls get educated so that they dont have to be dependent and face domestic violence, ever).

Let's take a moment to appreciate the best gift which our parents have given us, in the list of umpteen others - they EDUCATED US. I can't even think of myself not being able to understand what is written in the paper and passing it on to someone who can read it for me. Educating, as seen by many is not merely a means a livelihood but above it a weapon of protecting yourself and being confident that no-one can fool you. The feeling of being independent is a bi-product which is way too precious.
Thank you Meena didi for reminding me this important lesson that Humility can connect you with people beyond boundaries.

First week in the mystic land.

I am posted in the land which relates to The Bhagavad Gita and Mahabharata. One week back when I landed up in Kurukshetra and was climbing the stairs of my new address to be for a year, a hundred thoughts were crossing my mind. How my room is going to be? Am I the only one living here for now? Is the place going to be safe? And above all, will I be able to live all alone for the next one year?I didn’t unpack that night, had a nice welcome dinner offered to me by the staff members along with Kulfi as the sweet dish. The first “Sunday night” was very different from any other night. This was the first time I was all alone in a place where I knew no-one and after a very long time spent time with myself. For some reason, this place seems mystical to me - maybe because of the age-old mythological stories it carries along!

The first working day, Monday morning came as a bright sunny day as my parents came to stay with me for a day and settle me down. For the first time, my mom came to see me off to work and we both were trying hard not to cry! 

Running it forward and summing the work part for the week, to describe it in few sentences would be a challenge. This is something I have never done before. But the first week broke a lot of stereotypes I had in mind ranging from “Being in any Govt. office is the last place you would want to be, people are so demotivated” to “Nobody has the time to talk to you, seriously”. I met the District Commissioner, City Magistrate, District Information Officer and a few other people in this first week and had the opportunity to talk and discuss with them the on-going best practices in the district (Well, that was this week’s submission). Interestingly amidst the tasks, I am constantly learning something. After one week, while I pen down about my first week’s experience, I know joining this program is probably one of the best choices of my life. Not solely because of the work part, as an individual, I am discovering a lot about myself. Joining as Cheif Minister's Good Governance Associate is both challenging and mystic to me as it pushes me to come out of my comfort zone! Having lived away from 5 years in hostel/flat and lived alone now all by myself is very tough to put in words. Maybe with time, I will get better with this! I haven’t explored anything in the city as of now, but hopefully the coming week I will try to visit the 2 places I have fixed in my calendar. 

As the first week ended, it ended giving the pain of losing your loved one. My best friend’s father left the world. With her, I feel as if I also lost a part of me. His unexpected death and seeing my friend so helpless made me realize that we often forget to value people who love us, take them for granted and believe they will always be there for us. 

Ending on a positive note, I have decided to consciously value each day. We invest a part of your life’s time on the people we meet everyday. Let’s be compassionate, cooperative, and considerate to other people’s emotions. As written in The Bhagavad Gita - 

“Perform all work carefully, guided by compassion.” 

― Krishna-Dwaipayana Vyasa, The Bhagavad Gita